Legitimate Bastards
If I call you a bastard
I don’t mean a bastard
In terms of your parents –
So don’t get so cross.
There’s no-one says bastard
As that kind of bastard
For fifty-plus years –
I just don’t give a toss.
Who cares who’s your father ?
Don’t get in a lather –
I mean you’re an arsehole
In need of my scorn.
I called you a bastard
Because you’re a bastard –
A blighter, a beggar,
However you’re born.
So if you’ve no papa,
You’re mum ain’t a slapper-
Cos people are people,
And no harm to me.
I don’t call you bastard
To call you unmastered –
Cos I ain’t an unfeeling bastard,
You see.
Rhyming Couplets 