Why can bats fly ? And I don’t mean at all, I mean still ? Why have they never gone ostrich or penguin, But never stopped flapping, so upwards-ascending, Refusing to temper their skill ? There’s plenty on islands without all the predators, Plenty of time for their genes to face editors, Yet, to their credit, their urge to grow lazy is nil. Though perhaps that’s unfair on the dodos and fleas, Who have repurposed bodies to new strategies – So their airborne commitment to natural fitment, Is not simply down to sheer will. The pterosaurs never turned flightless either, At least from the fossils we’ve found – It seems that neither stuck to the ground. I wonder if it’s all down to their puny legs, Unlike the biped birds, That stops them forming roaming herds, Or burrowing into the hill ? The membranes, though, of their wings attach To their nether-limbs – is maybe a catch To developing muscles down there with a kick ? They just aren’t quick enough for the kill. Though evolution is ever the tweaker – The pika-pika can forage and scramble With hardly a gamble or grounding or snafu – While vampire bats, they can even run if they have to !, Yet flying remains their thrill. I guess it continues to work well enough, So I guess they continue with flying and stuff, And we all have our niches to fill.
Flowering plants give birth to their grandkids, Two generations on. Between them, a haploid stage in birthed, And breeds, and dies in a matter of hours. It’s evolution at play, and history, Old ways still acting upon – The hidden generation, That is lurking deep within the bowers.
The parent cells, barely ten in total, Died at the point of conception – But isn’t the same as true in animals ? Well, yes…and no. The thing is, they have further stripped their gametes down To uni-perfection – No longer build a multicellular form, They have no need to grow.
But mosses and ferns, they still do it old school – Separate independent stages – And algae can even be free-living – Single, double, single, double… So botanists have marvelled, And have filled their textbook pages – But have drawn the line at animals, To spare them family trouble.
Yet I suppose there’s one more diff’rence – If the egg and sperm that made me Were my parents…well, that means, My parents are within me to this day – They gave their lives, and gave their haploid matter To upgrade me – So my generation has it easy, Born with twice the DNA.
Botanists like to point out how the ancestral condition of alternating between haploid (one set of chromosomes) and diploid (two sets) each generation still exists in flowering plants, but in a very reduced form. And it is true that pollen contains two-to-three cells, and the ovule seven, making them both technically multicellular.
And yet zoologists never seem to mention that the same is true for animals, only here the haploid generation has been reduced even further – now both gametes are single-celled, and their entire mass is consumed by the emergent zygote rather than withering away like all of the haploid plant material bar the two nucleuses. I guess they’ve got to draw the arbitrary line somewhere…
Who’s that in our garden, hey To sing on Christmas Day ? A chirpy robin redbreast Who has come to lead the way.
Who’s that in our garden, hey To sing on Christmas Day ? The cooing of a pigeon Who will counterpoint our lay, And a chirpy robin redbreast Who has come to lead the way.
Who’s that in our garden, hey To sing on Christmas Day ? The croaking of a crow To bring the bass beneath the fray, With the cooing of a pigeon Who will counterpoint our lay, And a chirpy robin redbreast Who has come to lead the way.
Who’s that in our garden, hey To sing on Christmas Day ? The drumming of a woodpecker Who’s beating on the bay, With the croaking of a crow To bring the bass beneath the fray, And the cooing of a pigeon Who will counterpoint our lay, And a chirpy robin redbreast Who has come to lead the way.
Who’s that in our garden, hey To sing on Christmas Day ? A choral flock of starlings Who arrive to dance and play, And the drumming of a woodpecker Who’s beating on the bay, And the croaking of a crow To bring the bass beneath the fray, And the cooing of a pigeon Who will counterpoint our lay, And a chirpy robin redbreast Who has come to lead the way.
Who’s that in our garden, hey To sing on Christmas Day ? A bright soprano blackbird With an awful lot to say, With a choral flock of starlings Who arrive to dance and play, And the drumming of a woodpecker Who’s beating on the bay, And the croaking of a crow To bring the bass beneath the fray, And the cooing of a pigeon Who will counterpoint our lay, And a chirpy robin redbreast Who has come to lead the way.
Who’s that in our garden, hey To sing on Christmas Day ? A special guest-star parakeet Who’s song is here to stay, With a bright soprano blackbird With an awful lot to say, And a choral flock of starlings Who arrive to dance and play, And the drumming of a woodpecker Who’s beating on the bay, And the croaking of a crow To bring the bass beneath the fray, And the cooing of a pigeon Who will counterpoint our lay, And a chirpy robin redbreast Who has come to lead the way.
Herry Christmas, AI, from some of the reddest redbreasts I’ve ever seen.
Never Three on a Card
Every Christmas, I get a warm glow From a handful of cards with the robins’ hello – They’re sometimes alone, and they’re sometimes a pair, But a third one is nowhere – cos as we all know A flock of the robins is strictly no-go. But what is this latest the postladies bear ? One robin, two robins, three robins…? Whoa…! But how can the senders so brazenly dare ?, Depicting the moment before the first blow – As the beak and the claw will leave no love to spare, As they battle to mate and to overthrow. But no ! They swear they’ve taken care To only show what’s really there. In Winter, it seems, the robins bestow A happier temper, content to share – For outside of breeding, they treat all fair, And frolic together in goodwill and snow.
The dragons flew to the village When the glaciers receeded. Before the humans came to found the village In the hills They all moved up the valley As the valley slowly heated – A conflict scratched by ancient claws And knapped by stone-age skills.
The dragons lived on cliff-tops, Where they found the up-draughts bracing, And yet up here upon the fells, the scarp Was ev’ry bit as steep The humans sought the uplands For protection and for grazing, With their wooded winding valleys And their moorlands full of sheep.
But the dragons had a taste for mutton, Raiding flocks and rustling folds – While the humans found the lizards rich, And slow when on their shanks. So they hunted ev’ry dragon That came sniffing round their barren holds, And they feasted on their breastmeat And they tanned their wings and flanks.
But down in the valley woodlands, Where the dragons couldn’t grace, So the tribes would coppice trees for fuel, As soon as the saplings bend. But the deer were a constant nuisance As they trampled through the place, And they nibbled the shoots at liberty, Refusing to be penned.
But Evolution played her hand, Ten thousand years or more, As she favoured drakes who favoured deer, Whose does were scarce in dearth. And the humans were quite happy If they thinned the herds a score, And all stayed-away from pastures And gave folks a wider berth.
So into the flightless forests they came, Where the trees would crowd the sky, And they stalked the stags upon all-fours, Or scampered up a tree. And their back legs grew more sturdy With a pouncing, kicking thigh, And their wings were less-times called-upon Beneath the canopy.
Yes, they still would glide above the valley, Though they rarely soared, As they rode upon the thermals And they roosted on the scarp. Their flaplings, once they’d left the nest Would gather in a horde, And would chase the rodents round the barns To keep their talons sharp.
The farmers even reckoned They had not the strength to leave, Now their flying was more like that of a hen Than of a lark. Good enough to get them airborne, Good enough to catch the breeze, But no good for migrating Once the days were getting dark.
Neither side were loners, In their small communities, As they looked-after their own, And yet would not harass the strays. And they’d sometimes come-together In those opportunities For the curious on both sides To regard their neighbours’ ways.
So by the Middle Ages, They had reached a careful dance, Where the humans let them hunt for rats and deer, By nature’s law. And yes, the windows in the church Showed George’s famous stance, Yet those self-same beasts proved lucrative When pilgrims watched in awe.
Land first drifted this far North In the Late Devoniun And life had caught a ride as well, Beneath the midnight sun. In hothouse times, the land was free Of frigid glacial scars, And life was thriving in the dark Beneath the midday stars. And the jungles circled round the top Right through the Pliocene – When the brownest bear was polar, And the Northern land was green. In a million years from now, they’ll marvel how Our current life clings on – But there we are, continuous, Since the Late Devonion.
A bird fell down the flue last month, And panicked round the sitting room – Raising a squawk and spraying the soot, Till shooed-away with a gentle broom. Why did we have a chimney, anyway ? We never light it ! A useless shaft ! Indeed, where was the bundle of rags We’d stuffed-up the hole to stop the draught ? Time to give it a final sweep, And check it for cracks, and bring in a brickie. An open fire may be romantic, But getting the logs is increasingly tricky. And let’s get a platform placed in the pot, up top, To hold their twigs, And let their charcoal wings replace the smoke Of their rooftop digs.
A sunfish may look like a sun, And a starfish like a star – But both are fake, for the only one that’s real – The starriest fish by far – Is not some Milky Way-long eel, But Cetus – the stellar monster gar – He’s bigger than Cancer, older than Pisces, Swimming the span of the sky high seas.
We’ve ringed the noses of our bulls Since the days of ancient Sumer, And blinged their ears with tagging tools Since the reign of George the Third. And sheep we’ve daubed with bright and dark Since Beau Peep was in bloomers, And likewise branding’s left its mark Since pharaohs watched the herd.
And long before the Roman Legion, Pigeons wore a metal tumour Round their ankles, through the season, As they carried vital word. And falcons showed their noble’s farms – And scientists confirmed the rumour Of migration, through the charms They fitted to each bird.
One deer, two deers, That’s how or should be – Mixing with the fishes and the sheeps. Red deers, roe deers, Two-by-two, or sometimes three, If fallows really are at home for keeps. Muntjacs and sikas, Followed fallows over here, And water deers are plurals now, it’s true. For us native speakers, We won’t raise a pedant’s tear If all of them get ess – and mooses too !