The Moniker Mutations
Here’s little Johnny Jones,
The sprog of Jack and Jane –
They all live together
In Lower Linnet Lane.
He has a pet tabby
That he christened Jezebel,
And he thinks she has a better name than he has,
Truth to tell.
I mean, ‘John Jones’,
That’s utter tautology –
In only two syllables,
Not even three !
He could have been a Sean –
Had he been more Irish-born
But it just wasn’t on –
He was only ever fit to be a John.
Now if he were a rock star,
What would he be called ?
Well, his mother’s maiden name
He thinks was Archibald.
So Jezebel Archibald ?
Or maybe Jesse Archie ?
That doesn’t really work,
It all sounds rather starchy.
But he also has a pet fish
He keeps in a jar –
So how about Goldie Linnet ?
That sounds like a star !
He could have been an Ivor,
Like a Welsh-born striver,
But that chance has gone –
He was only ever in the frame for John.
But this gets him thinking,
Now his lamp is rubbed –
If he were born a Viking
Then what would he be dubbed ?
He would have been known as
Johnny Jacksson there,
Or maybe Johnny Janesson
These days, to be fair.
Or else John FitzJacob,
That has a real ring –
His grandad is a Roy,
Which would make him out a king…!
He could have been a Ewan,
Had Scottish been his doing –
Now there’s a name to don !
But he only gets to dress-up in his John.
But what about in Russia
In a Checkov play, for fun ?
Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov,
Searching for his gun.
His parents call him Sport
For his energy and judo –
So in the Roman Empire,
He’s Ioannes Ionius Ludo.
All-in-all, much better
Than his Johnny, that’s for sure !
Maybe ‘God is gracious’,
But this name is just a bore.
He could have been a Hans
Or a Joni, or a Vanya,
Or Gianni, or a Jean –
Infact anything is better than a John !
Rhyming Couplets 