Forever Second Place in a Beauty Contest
An evening in with friends ?
Looking for a game ?
No not, repeat, do not suggest
Monopoly – the game that never ends !
And even though it takes all night,
It always seems to end the same –
With one much richer than the rest,
Though still there is no end in sight.
We’ve bought up ev’ry street and station,
Built up ev’ry damn hotel,
Yet still we never reach cessasion –
Guys, I swear, they must play this in Hell !
Monopoly – it never ends –
Just peters out to boredom
At the pointlessness of taking part.
So dog or boot, let’s make amends:
Let’s ditch these streets, not hoard them –
And let’s stop right now, before we even start.
It should be pointed out, however, that we’re all playing it wrong:
– Have to go round once before buying any property ? Not in the rules.
– Collect £400 for landing exactly on Go ? Wrong.
– If you roll a double, you can ignore the square you land on and roll again ? Nope.
– You can’t collect rent while in prison ? Actually, you can.
– All fines go in the middle until someone lands on Free Parking ? Uh-uh.
The original rules worked to restrict the money supply. Most house rules, while making the utterly pointless squares of Go and Free Parking actually interesting (and why can’t we think of something for Just Visiting as well ?), do the opposite. But even when played correctly, it still has no end-point. So go and play Wingspan instead…
Oh, and why are the Chance and Community Chest decks identical to one another ? Oh, wait, I get it – it’s to symbolise how lazy and unimaginative corporations are. You know, the more I think about it, the more I reckon Elizabeth Magie’s original intention of designing a game to demonstrate the evils of capitalism is still doing a sterling, if subliminal, job…
Rhyming Couplets 