000

000

You think you’re it –
You think your charm enthrals,
You think you’re sharply dressed,
All cool unstressed –
But you ain’t to me.
You think you’re fit –
You think you’ve got the balls,
You think you’ve got the looks,
And the baited hooks –
But you ain’t got me.

You’re ev’rything masculine, powerful, and brutish,
Ev’rything blandly manly and disputish –
What you are is ev’rything wrong with the world,
Ev’rything murky with stealth.
You’re silent and strong and rigid and mutish,
You’re clumsy and loud and blunt and uncutish.
What I need is somebody saving the world,
By helping me to save it myself.

Is it too much to hope ?
Am I too naive and sucked-in ?
Can’t anybody save this world from self-destructing ?,
When not all of this world can be reached along the ducting,
Or humbled with instruction,
Or conquered with seduction –
We need a man who’s handy, not a grope.
And don’t think me too incessant
If I find the world more pleasant
When the other half is present, and can cope.
Is it really, really too much that I hope ?

You got the moves,
And you got the toys –
Karate and kendo,
And endless innuendo –
But you ain’t got me.
Cos all it proves
Is you’re naught but noise –
You’ve got no clout
Once your bang’s gone out –
You are so not me !

You’re ev’rything spying, lying, and deceitful,
Ev’rything crooked and counterfeit and cheatful –
What you are is ev’rything wrong with the world,
Ev’rything cocked and askew.
You’re ev’rything uncool and tepid and debacle,
Ev’rything Oxbridge and Tory patriarchal –
What I need is somebody saving the world –
Saving from someone like you.

Is it too much to ask ?
Am I being too demanding ?
Won’t anybody save this world by understanding ?,
When not all of this world is corrupt and underhanding,
Or divvied-up and branded,
Because of what the Man did,
As if it’s only men perform each task…
So I trust it’s not too queeny
To insist you do not deem me
Just a bird in a bikini or a basque.
Is it really, really too much that I ask ?

I need a geek –
Someone who ain’t so goddam macho,
Someone who ain’t so suave and chatshow,
Someone who doesn’t grasp and snatch so,
Someone who’s gentle without being meek.
Someone who can’t use force without balking,
Someone who knows his Kant from his Hawking,
Someone to save this world by just talking –
Someone to be my freak.

‘000’ should be pronounced as ‘double-oh zero’.