The STRUT-SCHWA merger
Phoneticians claim there is a diff’rence,
But it’s lost on me.
The sounds they make all sound the same in this sense,
But they disagree.
I’ve always found I put my putts in as I should,
With no mishap.
They ask me how I say ago, but that’s no good,
It’s all a TRAP
To make me cook my FOOT-ing – but I got away
With other sounds –
And though unstressed, my parrot has a LOT to say,
My MOUTH abounds.
I have no schwa, yet they insist I’m nothing but,
And lack the other.
That’s the wrong way round – my STRUT vowel loves to strut –
So hear me brother !
Dun’t be tut-tut muttering,
And shut-up huff-puff stuttering,
Cos mums and bucks and toughs and loves,
Come cut-a-rug just uttering !
Our skulls are humming, bloods are drumming,
You can’t smother us now, guv.
We sure ain’t parlous cos we’re schwa-less,
Under and above !
Rhyming Couplets 