Latin Plurals

Once we had foci, but now we have focuses.
English loves plurals that all end in esses.
Now, fungi and cacti are still in transition,
Though not hard to see how conformity presses –
The stylus of changes points only one way,
From styli to styluses – esses must play !
Vortexes sweep aside vortices yearly,
(Though axis-es point to a step-too-far, clearly,
And rhinoceroses are horrible messes
If pluraled-in-full with their too-many esses.
(And okay, they’re Greek, with their own rules for doubling –
But that’s just the point, it’s just not worth the troubling !
And how these same pedants are rather less eager
For two Doppelgänger or seven Blitzkriege)
Now look out for medias, datas and dices –
For surely the way of agendas entices,
And singular specie and crisie are coming –
So sneer all you like about downing and dumbing,
But language is fluid, and speakers make guesses,
And boy !, our collective subconscious loves esses !

I suppose I have to address the octopi in the room…

And before the pecksniffs start “well, ackchooly”-ing, yes yes, I’m fully aware that octopus comes from the Greek, not Latin, and therefore it’s ‘correct’ plural is not octopi, but octopodes – but why then are you pronouncing it OCK-toe-poads instead of the ‘correct’ ock-TOP-oh-deez ?

But anyway, you’re all wrong – the ‘correct’ plural for octopus is octopuses – you know, because we’re speaking English and all…