Stonewyrms

Shadow Pterosaur Creature Concept by Amy Cornelson

Stonewyrms

The dragons flew to the village
When the glaciers receeded.
Before the humans came to found the village
In the hills
They all moved up the valley
As the valley slowly heated –
A conflict scratched by ancient claws
And knapped by stone-age skills.

The dragons lived on cliff-tops,
Where they found the up-draughts bracing,
And yet up here upon the fells, the scarp
Was ev’ry bit as steep
The humans sought the uplands
For protection and for grazing,
With their wooded winding valleys
And their moorlands full of sheep.

But the dragons had a taste for mutton,
Raiding flocks and rustling folds –
While the humans found the lizards rich,
And slow when on their shanks.
So they hunted ev’ry dragon
That came sniffing round their barren holds,
And they feasted on their breastmeat
And they tanned their wings and flanks.

But down in the valley woodlands,
Where the dragons couldn’t grace,
So the tribes would coppice trees for fuel,
As soon as the saplings bend.
But the deer were a constant nuisance
As they trampled through the place,
And they nibbled the shoots at liberty,
Refusing to be penned.

But Evolution played her hand,
Ten thousand years or more,
As she favoured drakes who favoured deer,
Whose does were scarce in dearth.
And the humans were quite happy
If they thinned the herds a score,
And all stayed-away from pastures
And gave folks a wider berth.

So into the flightless forests they came,
Where the trees would crowd the sky,
And they stalked the stags upon all-fours,
Or scampered up a tree.
And their back legs grew more sturdy
With a pouncing, kicking thigh,
And their wings were less-times called-upon
Beneath the canopy.

Yes, they still would glide above the valley,
Though they rarely soared,
As they rode upon the thermals
And they roosted on the scarp.
Their flaplings, once they’d left the nest
Would gather in a horde,
And would chase the rodents round the barns
To keep their talons sharp.

The farmers even reckoned
They had not the strength to leave,
Now their flying was more like that of a hen
Than of a lark.
Good enough to get them airborne,
Good enough to catch the breeze,
But no good for migrating
Once the days were getting dark.

Neither side were loners,
In their small communities,
As they looked-after their own,
And yet would not harass the strays.
And they’d sometimes come-together
In those opportunities
For the curious on both sides
To regard their neighbours’ ways.

So by the Middle Ages,
They had reached a careful dance,
Where the humans let them hunt for rats and deer,
By nature’s law.
And yes, the windows in the church
Showed George’s famous stance,
Yet those self-same beasts proved lucrative
When pilgrims watched in awe.

Infernal Inferno

Paradise by Gustave Doré

        Infernal Inferno

Best be wary
Of Dante Alighieri,
Whose hellish depiction
Is turgid fan-fiction –
Trekking round each Circle
With Mary-Sue Virgil,
While snarking in the sleaze
Of revenge fantasies.

Strange how the Church
Has bought-up all his merch,
And turned this random blogger
Into Pope-approved-of dogma.
But worst of all, is any fool
Who has to labour-through at school,
Just hoping for a joke or three
Within his so-called Comedy.

No wait, don’t hate,
Don’t follow the gate
That tells us “Nope,
Abandon all hope !”

My anger is alive
In Circle number Five –
But no, I must not dwell
In this self-made Hell.

For Hell is more feeble –
It’s simply other people
With whom we disagree,
Like Dante is for me.
But to be more analytic,
Then Hell is just a critic
Complaining for eternity –
Don’t let that carping voice be me…

Hoops & Smits

Emblem of Power by Victoria Shul

Hoops & Smits

We’ve ringed the noses of our bulls
Since the days of ancient Sumer,
And blinged their ears with tagging tools
Since the reign of George the Third.
And sheep we’ve daubed with bright and dark
Since Beau Peep was in bloomers,
And likewise branding’s left its mark
Since pharaohs watched the herd.

And long before the Roman Legion,
Pigeons wore a metal tumour
Round their ankles, through the season,
As they carried vital word.
And falcons showed their noble’s farms –
And scientists confirmed the rumour
Of migration, through the charms
They fitted to each bird.

The Hollow Crown

detail from The Holy Family with St Catherine of Alexandria by Bartolomeo Cavarozzic

The Hollow Crown

A crown does not look fun to wear,
A deadweight furrowing the brow,
And getting in the hair.
But it I guess it has that wow !
With gold and gems to dazzle us
In equal awe and dread,
And making such a fuss –
It’s such a big hat for a big head.
But is it iron-cold in icy halls,
By any chance ?
And at your fancy balls,
Does it wobble when you dance ?
I’ve always thought tiaras look
Like all the bling without the sweat –
But those, I guess, can be mistook
For a mere coronet…

Slum-Makers

Photo by Alex Montes on Pexels.com

Slum-Makers

The walls of Pompeii are all full of graffitos,
Where Romans left scratches of slanderous hissings,
And chalked-out each grievance like buzzing mosquitoes –
But mostly left scribbles like dogs leave their pissings –
Thousands of scribbles from two thousand years ago,
Scrawling on walls just to scream “Look at me !”
The historians love them, for what they can show
About what life was like in the First Century.

And it wasn’t only the cells and latrines –
For nowhere was safe – not shops nor graves –
It’s been the obsession of soldiers and teens,
Since the ochre hands-prints were left in the caves.
Even cathedrals had pilgrims who jeer,
And localised rumour-reportages –
So once a time, old Kilroy was here,
While Chad kept a record of shortages.

So who are these Romani Ite Domums,
With their slogans and sweary scrawls ?
And why must they commandeer the commons,
By spraying on public walls ?
Yet those who condemn the tags the hardest –
And the St George flags – then represent
The likes of Banksy as a cutting-edge artist,
(On a stolen canvas, and paying no rent).

But I must be honest with the street art fans –
However old, scrub them out, unread.
Don’t justify the hooligans
And the anti-social stink they spread.
Be honest, should the youths of today
Have loose on your house, your car, your soul ?
Or would you deny to the future the say
Of the historic daubings of every troll ?

‘Reportages’ in the second verse is not French, so should be pronounced as ‘report + ages’ – four syllables, with stress on the ‘port’.

Adderbolts

Photo by Egor Kamelev on Pexels.com

Adderbolts

OED first citation for dragonfly: 1626

Where were the darts of Galilee ?
And the damsels of the Rubicon ?
Was Runnymede so needle-free,
Or the Athens Woods of Oberon ?
So where are all the dragonflies ?
There’s not a word in tale or scroll –
The Greeks and Romans closed their eyes,
The monks and knights ignored them whole.

It took the new Enlightenment
To even notice them at last –
And then Romantics sought intent
In Nature bold and wild and vast –
Till Art Nouveau, which gave them wings
That keeps them soaring till this day –
As wardens of eternal springs,
Where dreamy Summers while away.

So where were the dragonflies of Hermes ?
Why no mention in the myths ?
Why did Freya not claim these flurries,
Crafted by the finest smiths ?
Perhaps the Bible’s just too dry
For water-sprites as story-tools,
But rainy Europe shouldn’t shy
To catch the eye with flying jewels.

Transforming in among the reeds,
A lit’ral metamorphosis –
The fey-folk surely rode these steeds ?,
Yet Brigid never knew such bliss.
Shouldn’t the Devil have taken hold ?,
Or gargoyles, say, or heraldry ?
Yet where were the dragonflies of old ?,
Who chirped and danced for nobody.

‘Adderbolt’ is the only earlier name for them that I couold find, and this only dates from 1483, according to the OED, and ‘Devil’s darning needle’ is only from 1809.

And finally, the image below is from a poster which looks reminiscent of others advertising the various Art Nouveau exhibitions at places like the V&A.cHowever, I cannot find out anything else about this particular image, and if it is even an original by William Morris.  I hope it isn’t AI…

Raised Eyebrows, Wobbly Club

B05 Cerne Abbas Giant by mksfca

Raised Eyebrows, Wobbly Club

Pornography made proper by time,
With even the blue-rinse enthralled –
They snigger in Tolpuddle, Durdle, and Lyme,
Whatever the old man is called.
Surn is in Switzerland, Cairn is in Dorset –
The Abbas is hard in her C.
The Giant is likewise, and stands to endorse it,
With hard-ons for hadrons, says he.

Double-Dip Sleep

Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

Double-Dip Sleep

I’ve heard it often said,
That mediaeval folks would fall asleep
As soon as the Sun went down.
And then they’d rise from bed,
Around twelve or one, as the dark lay deep,
From the peasants to the Crown.
And they’d spend an hour or three
Quite wide awake, with nothing to do,
With the fires and the candles out.
And they’d sit, presumably,
As they’d shiver the midnight through,
Awaiting drowsiness, no doubt.

Relic

Relic

The church is dedicated to a saint I’ve never heard of –
To a Supine of Sardinia (or possibly Southend).
A mural might have shown him once, before they scraped the dirt off,
While the stain-glass is a patched-up jumble showing “Christ with Friend”.
A reliquary hold his middle finger, so the wall-plaque claims,
And possibly an eyeball, (though it may have been a sprout.)
I asked the local vicar what his story was, but he just blamed “the heathens”
And said Supine was a martyr to his gout.

The organist was more forthcoming, gushing over miracles –
Like turning water into thirst, or plague into the pox.
He brought a locust back to live by breathing on its spiracles,
And made an old Ionic column weep, and found lost socks.
He even taught a fish to swim, and once out-stared a snail,
And he claimed that worms were demons when they crawled from out the earth.
He went upon crusade – and found, then lost the Holy Grail,
And he prophesised the world would end the year before his birth.

I wondered why no other churches recognised the man ?
Have we all become so cynical, insisting on the proof,
Until we haven’t got the space to celebrate an also-ran ?
Why, the next thing, we’ll demand on prophets only telling truth !
But in the end, he met his fate when challenged on a cliff,
When he said that God gave wings to all those strong in their belief.
And so he died for faith – and just as real as any myth,
Now he’s patron saint of bucket-men, (or possibly false teeth…)

When I wrote this, I thought it was too flippant.  So I wrote the fourth verse to give it a bit more weight.  However, on reflection it feels like an anti-climax, so I cut it off and present it below:

Relegated Relic

The church is dedicated to a saint I’ve never heard of –
And yet somebody still knows him – and today that’s me, and you.
And there’s plenty more I could have told, and I barely know a third of
All the things that come attached to him, (regardless if they’re true).
And I wonder if they’ll still remember me, a thousand years from now ?
And if they do, what strange, outrageous feats will I perform ?
So then here’s to Saint Supine, who made a convert of a cow –
And let us celebrate the pilgrims who have wandered from the norm.

Swamm-Lore

Photo by Ashish Raj on Pexels.com

Swamm-Lore

Humans have been farming fungus
Since the old days of the Tang –
The jellied-ear perhaps was first,
And up the mycoculture sprang !
Shiitake and enoki,
Grown on logs and straw and bran,
Until in damp Enlightened France,
The button mushroom crop began.

Strange, the Romans loved their fungus,
Yet they never learned the knack –
And the monks were so productive,
Yet they only gave the yeast a crack.
Although, it proved quite tricky
Unless sterilized for pathogens –
Far easier to forage in the woods
That mess around with pens.

Meanwhile, folklore had been busy,
Earthy names for ev’rything –
Observe the toadstool and the stinkhorn,
Bird’s-nest and the fairy ring.
But where were all the memory-rhymes
On which ones was it not worth risking ?
Or how to tell a puffball
From a death cap or a poison pigskin ?

Perhaps there are no generalities
To indicate the vicious –
One-by-one, we learn how white gills, say,
Are deadly, or delicious.
Ugly textures, noxious smells,
May sometimes show vitality –
Their looks do not align at all
With fairytale morality.

These days, though, the urban myths
Are more concerned with mould and spore,
And in hallucinations,
And the nuclear clouds of war.
The time of the destroying angel’s
Shrouded in mediaeval mist,
Or from genteel whodunnits,
Or a pith-helmet nat’ralist.

Humans have been farming fungus,
Fascinated with their fruits –
Not really understanding them,
Yet sniffing truffles out of roots.
These days, it’s all commercialised,
To keep safe ev’ry cassarole,
Without an unintended killer
In our toadstool-in-the-hole.

The Chinese appear to have been farming Auricularia heimuer (aka the Black Wood Ear Mushroom) since the Tang Period (10618 – 10907 HE). They local name for it is ‘heimuer’, subsequently used as the species epithet.  However, I have been unable to find any guide as to how this is pronounced.  I think it may be something like high-moo-er, but that sounds more like a cow who has been feeding on a rather different kind of fungus…