The Drum Shop

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The Drum Shop

A chamber filled with cylinders of air beneath the skins,
A cavern dedicated to the art of beating things,
A desert for the trumpets, and a wilderness for strings,
But oh, this is a heaven for the drums !

Where cymbals tsk-tsk-tsk all day,
And tambourines are shake-a-shake,
And castanets come out to play,
With wood-blocks in their wake.

Congas and tom-toms and bongos in pairs,
In a four-four and three-four and quick-march in double-time,
Bass drums and kettles and tablas and snares,
To the beat of the bodhran and ting of the wind-chime.

And oh, the sticks and hammers and brushes !
So many way to make a bang !
To shake-up the silences, heat-up the hushes,
With stirrings of sturm-und-drang !

So ring-out those cow-bells, and anvils and cannons, and gongs,
And all that belong in here –
And if you have nothing, then play with your stomps and your claps,
And your finger-snaps, my dear !

From sleigh-bells to maracas, via triangles and dhols,
In a chamber filled with shimmers and alive with clangs and tolls –
It’s a cavern to percussion, and to nothing but percussion,
And yet home to ev’ry drum that swings and rolls.

Jethro’s Toll

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Jethro’s Toll

(In reply to Farm On The Freeway)

I’m not a fan of the big road pushing through the valley floor –
It should have been a high-speed rail line.
But just what have you got against a chip-set factory ?
And the jobs that get to work while you just whine.
I guess the loss of green and habitat’s a shame, for sure,
But your farm was pretty monocultured too –
The world needs fewer humans, as I hope you would agree,
And a lot less of consumption, making-do.
We haven’t all got daddies leaving farms to us, and more,
No, we many have us very little leeway.
So take your million-dollars and your nimby don’t-tax-me –
Cos this ain’t your farm no more – now it’s our freeway.

Once Upon a Tune

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Once Upon a Tune

Sing another story-song,
About a love gone wrong, perhaps,
Or unrequited longings long,
Forever under wraps.

Rag-to-riches, rites of passage,
Tell your message verse-by-verse –
From the wreckage of a savage love
Or maybe witch’s curse.

Country, folk, and western,
Aren’t the only storytellers –
From Ancient Rome to Preston,
Were the yarns of many fellers.

There’s always time for stories,
Don’t be sorry for the tale –
There’s life in allegories,
And there’s drama in the mail.

Emotions aren’t the only theme –
With which to team a tune.
We sometimes need to daydream
On a lonely afternoon.

So play another story-song
To singalong, my friend –
From a start that’s low and strong,
To a climax at the end.

Closing Number

Closing Number

The curtain’s hanging over us,
This is our final scene.
We hope our lines are close enough
And energies still keen.
We’ve just the time for one last turn
Before we take our bows –
For any encores that we earn,
And management allows.

The future’s big in front of us,
It starts tomorrow-dawn,
And so, for all we grunt and cuss,
Our brand-new lives are born.
We’ve barely time to learn our parts
Before we take our chance,
And who knows where the future charts ?
It’s one long song-and-dance.

Jingle-Worms

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Jingle-Worms

I know all year we’ve been skipping them, skipping them,
Whenever they shuffled into play –
But now it’s December, and the whole world’s sipping them,
And we’ve no chance to slip away.
I guess it’s time to be shipping them, tripping them,
Their timing is no longer quite so wrong –
For now it’s December, and the whole world’s gripping them
So best to simply shrug and sing their song.
Let the tunes be ripping
And the sentiment be dripping
As we flipping-well must belt another verse.
We’ve spent all year so chippy
With the luxury of nipping them,
But now we must embrace their joyful curse.
Altogether now !
Sing a song of sleighbells,
Tinkle tinkle,
In the snow –
When the choirboys sing high
Then the baritones sing low.
But we’ll meet-up in the middle.
Where the fast shall meet the slow –
And we’ll sing it all again,
All the month – it’s all we know.
Ho ho ho.

Bigger Than Jesus

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Bigger Than Jesus

So you’ve formed a band, hey ?
A bunch of like-musicians have joined-forced with each other.
Time to chase that fame
And choose a name
For all of your future fans to discover –
One that sticks in the mind okay,
Yet’s easy to say,
And you won’t be ashamed to tell it your mother.

We’ve all of us kept lists as kids,
Whenever we heard a future name
In a turn-of-phrase or a parlour game.
Well, now it’s time to make your bids,
Set all those quirky titles free –
They may just be your new identity,
For all the times you joked with a whoop
“Now that’s the name of my future group !”

Don’t call yourselves after one of your members,
For therein lies an ego –
I guarantee, of all career-enders,
This is the bitterest blow.
The public assume the namee is the main-man,
Until the members think the same –
And what was a band when you began
Becomes a bunch of sidemen to the Name.
And girls, this doesn’t just apply to the dudes –
So insist you’re a we and an us in interviews.

Now, if it contains three words or four,
It may be a mouthful,
Pretentious bull,
And more manifesto than proper noun –
But it may be distinct and int’resting,
With a definite ring like nothing around.
If so, resist the urge to water it down.
For ev’ry word you unpick from your thread
Is a little less grand and a little more bland,
As if to admit you couldn’t live-up to its stead.
Till you’re just one syllable,
Easily killable,
By keeping-on cutting till there’s nothing to be said.

Yet make sure your moniker sounds like your music –
Don’t play metal in the name of a jazz quartet.
But whatever public-label you pick,
You gotta make it stick
By showing no regret.
Whatever you choose, however you want,
Inscribe it with pride in a well-drawn font.
Before you can even play a note, your brand
Is the first that the world will hear of your band.

It’s just as vital as your onstage-looks,
As your lyrics and your hooks and your tattooed breasts.
Imagine it competing with your rockstar brothers
On your album covers and t-shirt chests,
And your tabloid headlines of drunken arrests.
Will the kids double-take when they see it
From Vietnam to Budapest ?
Inhabit your name – believe it and be it,
It’s what make your music diff’rent from the rest.

Violin Violence

The Old Violin by William Harnett

Violin Violence

How can something so mellow
Sound so scratchy in the wrong hands ?
How can a starting fellow
Be encouraged to stick to their plans ?
And not be lured away
By an easy piano with its separate keys –
How can we learn to play
If we never can go as sweet as we please ?
If we must have things like untuned strings,
Then the neighbours don’t need to hear.
If our notes are bums and our fingers thumbs,
Then we need some friendlier gear.
Yet the pros aren’t a piglet’s squeal,
Or the hinge on a rusty gate –
So how can a sound so real,
Be a sound so hard to create ?

Sound Systems

No surprise this monstrosity was created with AI

Sound Systems

Back in the Seventies, big cones were rare,
And so was the reggae they played.
But these days, both are ev’rywhere,
When blasting through suburban air
From weekend cars who love to share –
Just like in the cavalcade.

Yet come the Carnival, out come the gents,
As if it were yesterday –
It’s not a live show that this presents,
They aren’t musicians with instruments –
Their only action, in all events,
Is simply pressing ‘play’.

New Kid in Town

Nashville Athena by orientalizing

New Kid in Town

Country folk are godly folk,
They sing to holy Jesus,
Sing how he’s the one they set their heart upon.
Yet over Nashville way, no joke,
They worship olive trees, yes,
Sing to Grecians in their mighty Parthenon.
They built a statue of Athena
Dressed in gold and ivory,
With ancient eyes of blue that never blink.
They built a temple to the Virgin,
Yet in rivalry –
Cos she ain’t the usual Virgin that they think –

Hallelujah, hail Athena !
Sing it loud and sing it free !
You beat Poseidon with his trident,
And now Jesus with his trinity.
We need a goddess, not a patriarch
To stir these sisters free –
In the Athens of the South, your spark
Lights up your mystery.

Country folk are gawdy folk,
They love their rhinestone rings –
Yet their churches are just warehouses of prayers.
Is Jesus stoney broke
That he can’t afford some decent bling
In which his shouty preachers flog his wares ?
But over at Athena’s place,
There’s statues in the pediments
Of epic battles fought in ancient times –
She may be stoic in her face,
But not so harsh and regiment
To frown upon our splashing-out the dimes.

Hallelujah, hail Athena !
Sing it free and sing it loud !
Lady Wisdom, Lady with the Owl,
Intelligent and proud –
We need a goddess to the arts
For fans to worship when we hum –
A diva moving-up the charts,
Who’s number one till kingdom come.

The original statue was sculpted by Phedias in 9563HE.  This replica was designed by Alan LeQuire in 11990, using gypsum cement, fibreglass-infused plaster, and gold leaf (not ivory, like the original, but close enough – and surely Phedias would have loved to have access to these…)  It is, I believe, based on ancient descriptions and other statues, but I’m sure some original interpretation has been included, and quite right too !

Trad.

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Trad.

Strange, the oldest folk tunes have no authors known,
They’ve just been sung like that forever.
I wonder if a single soul created them,
Or many voices altogether.
Maybe over centuries, they’ve slowly grown,
Adding new words to old songs,
From bawdy balladry, through cherished hymn,
To terrace singalongs.

From London Bridge to Scarborough Fair,
Ride a cock horse to the old grey mare,
Lady Greensleeves, mistress mine,
And over the hills for auld lang syne.
We’ll never know, we’re never told –
They are too old and we’re too young –
Yet still their songs are sung.

Strange, the newest pop tunes come with artist names –
We know just who created each.
Yet maybe in a thousand years, a few persist
Whose origins are out of reach.
Carols may be sung to them, or children’s’ games,
Or earworms and lullabyes –
With half the words forgotten, and their meaning missed,
But hanging on in diff’rent guise.

From Ground Control to Billie Jean,
Go Johnny, go, come on Eileen.
All the lonely yesterday –
Sing for tomorrow, we fade to grey.
They’ll never know, the trail is cold –
We are too old and still of tongue –
Yet still our songs are sung.