The Cester Slur

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The Cester Slur

Launceston is an English town
Which stubs its name and hacks it down.
And likewise Leominster says it strange,
While Foway and Wymondham short our change,
And Cholmondeley too is slave to fashion,
Following the -cester ration –

Alcester, Bicester: trochees truly,
Frocester, Gloucester: spelled unruly,
Leicester, Rocester: letters wasted,
Saucy Worcester: under-tasted,
Towcester: always worth a snigger –
Spoken short, but written bigger.

Then there’s stuck-up Cirencester –
Siren, maybe, but no jester.
She’s no sissy, she’s no sister.
Strong like -caster, long like -chester –
Who’d have guessed her lack of slur ?
For she’s all -cester, not a -ster !

I should point out that the towns menstioned are pronounced Laun-ston, Lem-ster, Foy, Wind-ham and Chum-ley. All of the rest are xxx-ster (except Cirencester, obviously, which has all four syllables). Oh, and Towcester is said as Toaster.

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