Umbrella Umbrage

Broken Umbrella by Jon Jordan

Umbrella Umbrage

My brolly broke, godammit,
Such a useless, shoddy thing –
I’d really have to ram it
Just to close its wonky spring.
Always turning inside-out,
And barely waterproof –
I reckon, even in a drought,
It’s still a leaky roof.
I guess it’s better than nothing,
And with patience, could be saved –
But is it really worth the faffing
For each time it misbehaved ?
The ratchet isn’t coupling,
And the popper won’t hold fast,
The flimsy ribs were buckling
When I tried to close it last.
“Enough !” I roared, “you’ve tested me
For the enth and final time !
For far too long you’ve bested me,
But vengeance shall be mine !”
I shoulda tossed it the day it was bought,
But it won’t trouble me again –
Until, that is, next time I’m caught
In the unprotected rain.

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