Catphrases

Catphrases

Yes, I remember Egbie Corner,
A girl who made a strange kind of sense –
Let me tell you, before oldtimers’
Robs me of my stream of conscience.

I hope my memories will pass mustard
And wet your appetite for more,
And not be spinning an old wise tale
That’s just a damp squid of a prize pub boar.

But way back in the mist of things,
When we never knew what’d come down the pipe,
We were biting our time on tenderhooks
In a doggie-dog world that was oven-ripe.

My hormones back then were rabbits in head-lice,
Rebel-roused by mixing-my-toadstools fever,
When news of Egbie spread like wildflowers –
And I had to meet her to disbelieve her.

Cos she wouldn’t be taken for granite,
She was no social leopard or escape goat –
Yet to all intensive purposes,
She squeezed-out logical sound from my throat.

It wasn’t as if she were scandally clad,
But she stripped my tongue to its birthday suit
The response she’d illicit was hardly her fault –
But given her affect, the point is mute.

She had free range with her daring-do,
Which left me boggled-down and run through the mangle.
But cutting to the cheese – on the spurt of the moment
That night we learned it takes two to tangle.

The Bug

The Bug

I’ve always been an early adopter,
Picking-up the latest cold or spot,
Then spreading it round by helicopter
To fam’ly and colleagues, the whole poor lot.
Always running ahead of the doctor,
Bringing the buzz – if they want it or not.
And just when the viral trend infects –
That’s so last month, I’m on to the next.

Ev’rybody blames me for giving them hives,
For breaching their unhip sterile zone.
The slightest sniffle and out come the knives,
But it ain’t my fault they’re frightened and alone –
If they only led more varied lives
They’d catch some int’resting strains of their own.
Sure, this world is dirty and rife,
But nobody’s ever immune to life.

I should point out that I wrote this piece years ago, and as the third line says it is talking about colds and such and nothing worse…

RKO

RKO

I remember Sunday afternoons
And watching classic black-and-whites,
Though not so much for giant apes,
Or top hats, kanes, or men in tights –
But all my fascination fell
On the opening seconds-worth,
Wond’ring at that giant mast,
And where its feet made earth –
Novaya Zemlya first, for one,
And Svalbard, I concluded, next,
Then Ellesmere Island for the third,
But the last one had me vexed…
There’s nothing there but shifting ice,
Though far more then than left today –
It’s just as well they’d long gone bust
Before the ice gave way.

Spaghetti

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Spaghetti

I heard you have a show needs stopping,
Heard you have a house needs bringing down –
I heard you have a shoe needs dropping,
And a tin or paint that needs a town.

Huzzah !  Hurray !
Hear hear, I say !
Best don your heels,
And roll up to my wheels –
To login to your noggin,
And toboggan through the boredom till it squeals !

I heard you have a boat needs rocking,
Joint needs jumping, hell needs breaking loose –
I heard your buster needs a blocking,
And your gander’s sauce is lacking goose.

Tip-top, pall mall !
Chin-chin, old gal !
Come step inside,
It’s really quite the ride –
To doodle through your noodle,
Till you’ve oodles-worth to keep you occupied !

The Siren

Bellwether by Mark Heine

The Siren

I sit upon this rock to warn the sailors all to keep away,
I even sing to them a warning sound –
But guaranteed, there’s always some who cannot help but stray,
Just to get a better gawp at what they’ve found.
They could have sailed on by, as many do, onto a safer bay –
Not got distracted till they ran aground.
Yet once back in the tavern, you should hear the traps I lay !
It was never fault of theirs they nearly drowned !

Mine For Life

Mine For Life

A running bump along my arm
Is memory that I was scarred –
The grave to mark a childhood tear
That now you’d scarcely know was there.
I got it playing down the farm,
Or maybe tripping in the yard –
I must have hit the surface hard,
But in the end did no real harm.
A trophy I must always wear,
A lesson learned, a minor scare –
I smile to think how I am marred,
And like to stroke it sometimes, like a charm.

It sits beside my first tattoo,
That’s self-administered, indeed –
A careless stab with ball-point pen,
A funny-coloured freckle, then.
It used to be a deeper blue,
As if I’m of a noble breed –
It must have hurt, but didn’t bleed,
And now just sits there, still in view.
I could not even tell you when,
But certainly by age of ten.
It can’t be scrubbed, it can’t be freed –
I like to poke it sometimes, as y’do.

Miscellany

Photo by Dimitry Anikin on Pexels.com

Miscellany

There’s some folks like the opera,
And some who dig that jazz.
There’s people whooping bluegrass,
Or the brazen rasp of brass.
But whatever rocks your socks
Is cool with me.

Some days it seems my likings
Are by ev’ryone despised –
I’m unmoved by their pref’rences
So eulogized and prized.
But whatever dials your smiles
Is cool with me.

There’s some folks like the one thing,
And others love the other.
Too rare we coincide, but slide
To discord with our brother.
But whatever peps your steps
Is cool with me.

Spiders, Incidentally

Spiders, Incidentally

Always getting in our way,
By stringing threads across our paths,
Or playing statues on our carpets,
Getting trapped inside our baths,
Or hanging down from lightshades
Or on wing-mirrors, left unchecked,
Or guarding rarely-opened doors
We never asked them to protect –
Always forcing us to shoo them,
Leaving webs that we must snap –
No wonder we believe the lie
That some get swallowed while we nap !

Always stinging beads of dew,
And cupboard-lurking in surprise,
Always scuttling just in view
Of the very corners of our eyes –
Yet when the flies are buzzing, buzzing,
Where are they to shoot them down ?
And all that silk as strong as steel,
Yet can’t be farmed to spin a gown.
Always raising jumps and squeals
And relocated in alarm –
No wonder we believe the lie
That spiders only bring us harm.

Beyond Uranus

Devonian Constellations 1 by NocturnalSea

Beyond Uranus

Alfie O’Ryan is quite the star,
With a name as bloated as he –
Some call him Beetle Juice,
Some call him Battle Geese,
Lord knows what he was to Ptolemy.

And then there’s Wry Gull and Puppies in Booties,
If I eat a careener, will it turn out Serious ?
And do we get to call these,
The Piss Keys and the Higher-D’s ?
We need an Older Baron to make it less mysterious.

Well, how should they be pronounced ?
We have to teach ourselves by the ounce –
We read them in textbooks with no overseer,
Just Awful Yuccas and Cassy O’Pier.

As I’ve detailed elsewhere, Betelgeuse was pretty much dead to Ptolemy.  I have heard it suggested that he didn’t care for the fixed stars because they were, well, fixed – unlike his real passion, the wandering planets.

Without a Prayer

Without a Prayer

Show me a god, any god, before me,
And I’ll wrestle him wrath to the ground –
I’ll grapple his incorporeal might,
I’ll douse his strange and ineffable light.
Bring me a god, any god, before me,
And I’ll leave him imploded and bound –
I’ll haul him before the judgement of Hague,
To count for each smiting and censure and plague.