I love the way you love to put Your limbs to work on your behalf, And use the top side of each foot To gently stroke your other calf. I love the way you interlace your toes So absently, But best of all, I love how no-one knows But you and me.
I love the way you stretch and pull Your sleeves, to burrow hands within So all that shows beyond the wool Are fingertips where cuffs begin. I love the way you flex and click your thumbs, And use the other eight for drums – I love the way your body uses stealth To exercise all by itself.
I love the way you use your eyes To stare and stare and never see, Until they catch you by surprise By darting off quite suddenly. I love the way they love to smoothly glide And sometimes fly – But best of all, I love the way they hide When feeling shy.
I love the way you purse your lip, And chuck your tongue, and breathe out slow – And always lodge an apple pip Within your teeth, and never know. I love the way that ev’rytime you smile, It has to build itself a while. It’s not your body that I most approve, But it’s the way you make it move.
The day that she left me All cliches ran true, And words like avow And bereft and eschewing Were bringing their heft As their moment was due. But I’m over them now, And I’ve things to be doing.
The day that she left me, All tears ran stains That nothing could hide, Not the beards of druids. But now I’m more deft At controlling my drains, And so no salt is dried By the theft of my fluids.
Musical AI version generated by Suno.com – find more of them over here.
Peanuts will not kill me, They just make me want to retch, And chestnuts cannot choke me But they sure can make me kvetch ! Coconuts are pussycats That scratch my taste-buds raw, And almonds leave me bitter, Should one sneak into my maw. Macadamies lack the proteins That could send me into shock. Cashew, beech and pecan – each As puny as a hollyhock. A pish upon pistachios, Your toxins well withstood – My shell is hard as hazelnuts, My kernel strong as wood ! No nuts will ever crack me, Be they pine, brazil or wall – My body couldn’t give a fig, My brain, though, hates them all !
The Road to Homo Sapiens, better known as The March of Progress by Rudolph Zallinger (here shown in its folded form which only includes six of the fifteen-strong sequence).
Evolution Chant
I am an ape-man, You are an ape-man, Just like my great-great-granddaddy ape-man.
I am a monkey, You are a monkey, And so is the queen, her ministers and flunkies.
We lost our tails, we lost our fur, We grew up bigger than we were, We kept our hands and eyes and hips, So we’re still monkeys to our pips.
One mill’yon, two mill’yon, three mill’yon, four – Back in time, back in time, back to before.
I am a mammal, You are a mammal, We’re just like my great-great-grand-uncle Samuel.
I’m a reptilian, You’re a reptilian, Just like my great-great-third-cousin William.
We lost our scales, we lost our eggs, We grew up with less-bandy legs, We warmed our blood and changed our ears, But we’re still reptiles to our gears.
One era, two eras, three ears, four – Mill’yons and mill’yons of years by the score.
I’m an amphibian, You’re an amphibian, Just like a German, a Chinese, or a Libyan.
I am a swim-fish, You are a swim-fish, Just like our sisters, the curvy and the slim-ish.
We lost our gills, we lost our fins, We grew up with our necks and chins, We gained our lungs and lost some cones, But we’re still fishes to our bones.
One hundred, two hundred, three hundred, four – Hundreds of mill’yons of years to explore.
I am a wiggle-worm, You are a wiggle-worm, Just like our brothers, who squiggle when they squirm.
I am a wet-sponge, You are a wet-sponge, Just like our neighbours, the blond and brunette ones.
We lost our universal cells, We grew up bony, without shells, We gained our teeth and gained our butts, But we’re still sponges to our guts.
One eon, two eons, three eons, four – Ages and cycles and epochs galore.
I am a germ bug, You are a germ bug, Just like the scorpion, the skylark and sea-slug.
I am a virus, You are a virus, Far enough back, and ev’rything’s a virus.
We lost our tiny little size, We grew up big and strong and wise, We may not think so anymore, But we’re still microbes to our core.
One bill’yon, two bill’yon, three bill’yon, four – Back in the days of the yoriest yore.
Feel free to change the opening lines to ‘ape-girl’ if you wish.
Ammonites are ceph’lopods With spiralling shells, A bit like the nautilus With gas-chambered cells – But larger and groovier, These kings of the ocean, These chosen of Ammon, These Jurassic movers, These Cretaceous shakers – In the Fathoms of Mammon, From sea-beds to breakers, Till the shark and the salmon Cast out these apostles. But there in the fossils, Their statues awake…
Moabites are ceph’lopods We’ve yet to discover They’re out there, still buried, In one rock or another – And each slab we lever, So hopes the believer, May yet be inscribed With this prodigal tribe: A bit like a nautilus, A bit like an octopus, A bit unlike either. And just like the ammonites, They need us to free them – We know not what they look like, But we’ll know them when we see them.
What is this power That holds up cathedrals ? That bring in the pilgrims, And keeps out the gales ? It isn’t lord Jesus, Nor bishops and beadles, It isn’t the faithful, Nor relics and grails. Forget all the masons With stone tetrahedrals, Forget all their chisels, And braces and nails – The answer is columns ! Those load-bearing needles, Those orderly uprights, Those masts without sails. And the finest of columns, So stately and regal, Use marble from Purbeck In multiple scales.
Now, wildlife in Purbeck, From roe-deer to seagulls, From rabbits to lizards, From fishes to whales, Are nothing compared To her beasts without equal – But who are these heroes ? Well, there hang some tales… For hidden in hedgerows, There lurk her great people: Like bees in her fields, And yeasts in her ales – But her mightiest creatures Have built ev’ry steeple: The lime in the limestone That polish unveils – For marble from Purbeck That holds up cathedrals, Is held up in turn By the shells of her snails.
William Paley, (Still quoted daily) Chanced upon a timepiece while out walking on the dale. Pondering its presence, Mulling on its essence, He saw it was a Made Thing, and all that must entail: Here there were no surplus parts, no way to make it less dense – If this must have a Maker – why, then Man must likewise hail !
Grand Mr Paley, Postulating gaily, Never knew the fossils that were lurking in the shale. So too have the watches Seen their share of botches: Dodgy trains and axles who have never found a sale. Cruel is such selection as inflicts their cogs with notches, And calling time on any found irregular or frail.
Poor Mr Paley, Breaches in his bailey, Holes in his hypothesis, all bigger than a whale. Thermal compensation And grand complication Have grown in watches gradu’ly, and clearly leave their trail. So tick evolves to tock with ev’ry not-quite-iteration, In the coiling of the spring as in the spiral of the snail.
“New Pope Francis I was a chemist before joining the priesthood.”
– The Vatican Talisman
Black smoke rises, No bells chime – No-one gets to reign this time. Too much ash And unburned carbon – No-one gets to put the garb on. No red shoes And no election When the soot absorbs the spectrum.
Of course you knew, Though could not see, Locked-in within your conclave walls – But did you muse On chemistry, With thoughts beyond the Sistine halls ? Your former calling, calling still, Electron shells that need to fill, Covalent bonds that still attract, Reagent spirits interact – Until, born up on thermal wings, The particles of life shall dance – And crowds shall watch these benzene rings, And trade their schooling for romance. Francis, Francis, what get’s passed on ? Less Assisi, more of Aston.
White smoke rises, Bells are ringing – It is you, this new beginning. Oxygen Within the salts Have brought fresh air beneath the vaults. Watch out, though, For excess flack, For white smoke stains as much as black.
Of course you know, Though will you see ? Locked-in, within your papal robe ? Please don’t forget Your chemistry – It’s not in Genesis or Job. So will you be the iron fist, Or will you be the scientist, And stress how best our souls are driven Through the brains that we’ve been given ? Till, borne up on hungry wings, We seek for ever greater knowing, Blown by what tomorrow brings – But will you join us where we’re going ? Francis, Francis, reawaken ! Less Assisi, more of Bacon !
He: To see my parents, chocolate for eyes – To see my siblings, thoroughly brunette. To see myself is seeing dusky ties: Too dark for mousy, yet too light for jet.
She: To see my siblings, there you see my eyes – To see my parents, there you see my debt. To see myself is seeing fates devise: So brown is passed to brown, and brown we get.
Both: But see our children, golden in their flush, So pasty-blanched of face and pale as day. So bright in hair and eye, so fair in blush, So flax and dandelion in the hay. Our children lurked within us all the while – We show, not in their eyes, but in their smile.
Just think, there once was a couple like us, Some ten or twelve thousand-odd years ago, Who looked on their children and started to suss How far might their progeny grow – From out of their children would flow ev’ry nation, All wandering further with each generation, Till ev’ry damn human alive in creation Is each one a cousin – we’re kinfolk, you know.
From Kenya and Fiji and Rome and Nepal, Through love, rape and conquest, each fam’ly propels – They’re mother to each and they’re father to all, They’re filling our veins and our cells. Their dynasty, you and me, thoroughly blended – They’re either to ev’ry- or no-one descended. And could it be, thousands of years on, portended That we shall be flowing through ev’ryone else ?