Herry Christmas, AI, from some of the reddest redbreasts I’ve ever seen.
Never Three on a Card
Every Christmas, I get a warm glow From a handful of cards with the robins’ hello – They’re sometimes alone, and they’re sometimes a pair, But a third one is nowhere – cos as we all know A flock of the robins is strictly no-go. But what is this latest the postladies bear ? One robin, two robins, three robins…? Whoa…! But how can the senders so brazenly dare ?, Depicting the moment before the first blow – As the beak and the claw will leave no love to spare, As they battle to mate and to overthrow. But no ! They swear they’ve taken care To only show what’s really there. In Winter, it seems, the robins bestow A happier temper, content to share – For outside of breeding, they treat all fair, And frolic together in goodwill and snow.
The dragons flew to the village When the glaciers receeded. Before the humans came to found the village In the hills They all moved up the valley As the valley slowly heated – A conflict scratched by ancient claws And knapped by stone-age skills.
The dragons lived on cliff-tops, Where they found the up-draughts bracing, And yet up here upon the fells, the scarp Was ev’ry bit as steep The humans sought the uplands For protection and for grazing, With their wooded winding valleys And their moorlands full of sheep.
But the dragons had a taste for mutton, Raiding flocks and rustling folds – While the humans found the lizards rich, And slow when on their shanks. So they hunted ev’ry dragon That came sniffing round their barren holds, And they feasted on their breastmeat And they tanned their wings and flanks.
But down in the valley woodlands, Where the dragons couldn’t grace, So the tribes would coppice trees for fuel, As soon as the saplings bend. But the deer were a constant nuisance As they trampled through the place, And they nibbled the shoots at liberty, Refusing to be penned.
But Evolution played her hand, Ten thousand years or more, As she favoured drakes who favoured deer, Whose does were scarce in dearth. And the humans were quite happy If they thinned the herds a score, And all stayed-away from pastures And gave folks a wider berth.
So into the flightless forests they came, Where the trees would crowd the sky, And they stalked the stags upon all-fours, Or scampered up a tree. And their back legs grew more sturdy With a pouncing, kicking thigh, And their wings were less-times called-upon Beneath the canopy.
Yes, they still would glide above the valley, Though they rarely soared, As they rode upon the thermals And they roosted on the scarp. Their flaplings, once they’d left the nest Would gather in a horde, And would chase the rodents round the barns To keep their talons sharp.
The farmers even reckoned They had not the strength to leave, Now their flying was more like that of a hen Than of a lark. Good enough to get them airborne, Good enough to catch the breeze, But no good for migrating Once the days were getting dark.
Neither side were loners, In their small communities, As they looked-after their own, And yet would not harass the strays. And they’d sometimes come-together In those opportunities For the curious on both sides To regard their neighbours’ ways.
So by the Middle Ages, They had reached a careful dance, Where the humans let them hunt for rats and deer, By nature’s law. And yes, the windows in the church Showed George’s famous stance, Yet those self-same beasts proved lucrative When pilgrims watched in awe.
The AI has instructed us to be there by 41PM sharp…
The Hottest Place in Town
I guess that Hell looks best at Halloween – When demons dress-up extra ghoulish, Trickster gods act extra foolish, And Pandemonium puts on the best night ever seen. Pluto lights the Styx up with Dawali candles floating by, Where the Siren and Cthulu sings duets to Valkyries on high, And Zarathustra and Confucius let the punchlines fly. While Sedna twirls the Fairy Queen, And Yetis smirk as Mummies preen, Till it all ends with the fireworks, loud enough to hear in Fiddlers Green. The only ones not round the fire Are Gabriel and his Angel Choir, Whose harmonies, so pure and strong, Would silence Hades with a song. Alas, they’ll keep us waiting long… But Hell still looks a treat tonight, So full of love and wishing – A pity Jesus took to fright, He don’t know what he’s missing !
Ev’ry Halloween, While I’m getting gory and undead For just one night, I always play a little game – Ever since a teen, While sat before the mirror, faking dread, I take delight In picturing all Hell the same –
It isn’t such a kink, But I feel I ought to ’fess-up – How I always love to think That the demons love to dress-up In their costumes made of discount shirts, With crooked ties and polished shoes, And glasses fit for introverts, And parted hair, and no tattoos…
Ev’ry Halloween, Do they spend the night pretending, posing, To be us, Just as we, tonight, aspire to be them – So, if they are seen, I really want to be try befriending those Who copy us – Because I guess they must admire us then…
Demons jostling on the trains, With blinking phones and leaking pop, And zig-zagging through mopey rains, And queuing at the coffee shop. In costumes made of good-enough, And needs-a-press, and if-I-must – Just demons that I love to love As trying to be one of us.
Evil isn’t the Devil, Isn’t the psycho, Isn’t the neo-fascist – Evil isn’t our darkest nature, Lurking silent in our midst. For evil is our lazy thinking, Seeking-out a covert plan – And evil is our pointing finger, Evil is our bogeyman.
Evil isn’t the Devil, Isn’t a something, Isn’t an absolute. It’s simply things we hate, writ large – Hyperbole that birthed a brute. For evil triumphs when the good do nothing new, So tropes persist – For the greatest trick the Devil pulled, Was just to not exist.
I say unto you, not just he who kills, Shall go to Hell. But also he who harbours anger, Even for a spell. Call a man a fool, and that’s enough For punishment eternal. Likewise, give your cloak away, Or face the flames infernal. Lust after a women, Even one who welcomes your attention, And that lust is equal to adultery, And Hell-detention. An eye for an eye still stands, But turn the other cheek for free – Then pluck-out your eye and cut-off your hand In macho purity. Blessed are the peacemakers, Unless you break the rules – And then you’ll find no jot or tittle’s peace from God, Ye fools !
The clocks are haunting Daylight Savings, Goading us to stay in bed – In late October, ancient cravings Rear their bureaucratic head. We skirt with time, we loop the sands, Rewind once more the ancient rite – We must perform the dance of hands Upon the face of waning light.
The past is haunting Daylight Savings, Logic lost to undead rules. In late October, we’re the playthings Of the limbo hour of fools. We flirt with time, yet so habitual, Barely offer an excuse – We must perform the sacred ritual, Stop all Hell from breaking loose.
The trouble with a labyrinth, Is that it feels so foreign – Is that it has no logic To its endless winding paths. No hierarchy separating Avenues from warrens, As we trudge the many mazes On our lost and aching calves.
Our only means of finding out The route into the centre Is by choosing random tracks And by try-and-try-again – With a dozen unsigned junctions And a dozen doors to enter, To a dozen cul-de-sacs, And a single golden lane.
It makes sense in a dungeon, With its safety-at-all-cost, Or even on a garden, Where the mapless lovers sally – But why are city planners Quite so keen to get us lost ? Or to meet a Minotaur Down a twisty, unlit alley…?
Best be wary Of Dante Alighieri, Whose hellish depiction Is turgid fan-fiction – Trekking round each Circle With Mary-Sue Virgil, While snarking in the sleaze Of revenge fantasies.
Strange how the Church Has bought-up all his merch, And turned this random blogger Into Pope-approved-of dogma. But worst of all, is any fool Who has to labour-through at school, Just hoping for a joke or three Within his so-called Comedy.
No wait, don’t hate, Don’t follow the gate That tells us “Nope, Abandon all hope !” My anger is alive In Circle number Five – But no, I must not dwell In this self-made Hell.
For Hell is more feeble – It’s simply other people With whom we disagree, Like Dante is for me. But to be more analytic, Then Hell is just a critic Complaining for eternity – Don’t let that carping voice be me…