A Voluptuary under the Horrors of Digestion by James Gillray
Royal Peculiar
Open our swimming pools, open our shopping malls, Hold no opinion and smile at the crowd. That’s what you’re paid for, so you can’t complain; Walking and waving, that’s all you’re allowed. We care what you think, just never express it; Never forget that your shame ain’t our prob. The good and the bad and the downright carbuncle, Open them gladly or get a new job.
There is wonderment more in the Kingdom of Heaven Than all of the glories on all of the Earth – The colours are brighter, the music is sweeter, Forever and perfect and never in dearth. There is beauty and love in the Kingdom of Heaven Far greater than ever we know on this Earth – But strange how the holy are nervous to claim it, And dawdle below to delay their next berth.
There is marvel enough in the Kingdom of Heaven To fill up a thousandfold worlds with its mirth – Or so it is promised, and why should we doubt it, Inspite how we cling to all life all it’s worth. But I can wait long for the Kingdom of Heaven To sup on this world from its poles to its girth. There may be a paradise waiting in Heaven, There’s surely a paradise thriving on Earth.
Have you met Miss Jones ? She’s a jet-blond, beige-eyed, Sugar-gliding rising-tide – Mapping out her zones On the side.
She’s sharp-blinking, slow-drinking, Silver, gold, and copper-zincing. Marrow in her bones – Miss Jones.
She knows her diphthongs from her phones, She knows her murmurs from her moans, She knows her rods and cones, Does Jones.
She’s a spark-plug head-drug, Neither-one-nor-other shrug – Calling in her loans For a hug.
She’s self-mocking, breath-shocking, Braces, belt, and double-locking – Tuning-up the drones… So Jones !
How best to describe her ? You must just go out and learn – Best not to entribe her, But to vibe her and imbibe her – You’ll know her when you jibe her, Come your turn.
Have you met Miss Jones ? She’s a one-take earthquake, Dreamy girl who’s wide awake Raisoning her scones On the make.
She’s sharp-booking, slow-cooking, Never where the rest are looking – Ev’ryone condones Miss Jones.
She knows her supines from her prones, She knows her growlings from her groans, She knows her Wrens and Soanes, Does Jones.
She’s a snake-hiss l’il sis, Turning blisters into bliss, Trading all she owns For a kiss.
She’s sharp-rooting, slow-booting, Always with her head computing – Wits is what she hones… So Jones !
How best to convey her ? You must just go out and learn – Best not to survey her, But purvey her and array her – You’ll know her when you play her, Come your turn.
Have you met Miss Jones ? She’s an odd-socks re-tox, Big ring in a little box – Sorting out the stones From the rocks.
She knows her witches from her crones, She knows her yuppies from her Sloanes, She knows her unbeknowns, Does Jones.
She’s a tactile last-mile, Drifting in and out of style – She’s giving up her thrones For a smile.
She’s sharp-nailing, slow-sailing, Always with the wind prevailing – Supercoiling clones… So Jones !
How best to assess her ? You must just go out and learn – Best not second-bless her, Or your guess’ll be the lesser – You’ll know how to address her, Come your turn.
Musical AI version generated by Suno.com – find more of them over here.
Uncle Charlie (played by Joseph Cotten) in Shadow of a Doubt
Uncle Charlie, How I Envy You
To never have a camera shoved in your face With accompanied orders to smile and pose, With not a thought for those who lack the grace Or the confidence to happily expose Their gawkiness to this all-stealing eye That no-one but no-one has the right to deny.
And so there persisted those who thought That privacy must be trumped with the utmost ubiquity. How dare their prey not be such a sport, As yet another click strips yet another shred of their dignity.
I am surely so much more Than this awkward lump you proudly snared As you barged upon me, you shutterbugging boor, Who ignored my gentle requests to be spared. I am surely so much else Than this pasty red-eyed frozen mess, Too self-conscious, both elephant and mouse, Who wishes to be looked upon altogether less.
And there used to be those who would claim That every photo would thieve a sliver of their soul – And although the sceptic inside cries shame, A little piece within me is always left feeling less whole.
Uncle Charlie boasted that he had never had his photo taken – I guess he never noticed the film crew following him around.
Is any insect brave enough To pollinate the venus-flower, Tempted never by the lure Of nectar, rich upon the leaves ? Is any insect sure enough To find that small white-petalled tower Standing tall above those mauls That punish tardy, wayward thieves ? Is any insect smart enough To find the pollen in the bower, And to fly away again And not be caged within those sheathes ?
Look ! Spiders ev’rywhere ! Scuttling over ceilings, Hanging from their danglings, Watching from the walls. Webbing here, webbing there, Going ’bout their dealings, Lurking legs-a-gangling Or rolled up into balls. Let them be, don’t let them scare. Spiders, spiders ev’rywhere !
A republic will not magic’ly make ev’rything benign, Or even-out the wealth, Or make your children genii, or cause the sun to shine, All by itself. It cannot bring you justice, set you free, or stop a war, Just because it lacks an heir – It cannot make its citizens all love their nation more Just by being there. But what it can achieve is just to give a little heart For you all, not just the few, And lift your heads a little as it gives an even start – The rest is up to you.
There are still things that you don’t understand, he said, Things that your science cannot yet command, he said, Things that will always be strange and unplanned, Till you see our Lord God at their head.
That’s true, but I think you are crowing too soon, I said, True, but we’re learning, for all you impugn, I said, True, but just shrugging won’t fly to the moon, But it will gawp up limply instead.
The ancient Greeks were pretty clever, Worked out that the Earth was round From shadows cast by poles at noon And by the Earth upon the Moon, And how the sky was put together Just from watching from the ground, And some who guessed a central Sun About which all the planets run.
But then along came Aristotle, Then along came Ptolemy – And they alone would set the tone Till their mistakes were set in stone. The hand is dead, but still can throttle, Piously and solemnly, Of any thought that might get out – So hush the whisper, choke the doubt.
But still, but still, The more we looked, the more we saw – The though the heavens mostly draw Upon the Ptolemaic law, They sometimes would exert their will That rubbed enquiring watchers raw.
You see, the ancient Greeks well knew That crystal dome and ev’ry gem That all the night, without a rest, Would wheel above from East to West. And like the stars, the planets, too – Though slower, losing ground on them. Except…well, that’s where trouble lies, With yearly yet unruly skies.
Because they each would switch their motion, With the stars, and overtaking ! Week by week, the Greeks would trace The way the planets dance and race. So Ptolemy proposed a notion, Saved the universe from breaking – Sure it was all fudge and spin, But epicyles for the win !
But here’s the thing – For all its complex shells and reels, For all its windmills within wheels, It somehow kinda always deals With accurate positioning, As though the sums would guide their heels.
So if the Greeks were badly off, Well, spare that scoff – they did their best With nothing but a pair of eyes To theorise what they can’t test. But did they ever pinch their gaze And mutter at the tangled ways In which the heavens spend their days ? Did even Ptolemy have doubt And long to hack the deadwood out ?
The Romans, though they changed the names (From Krios, Aries, from Ares, Mars), They kept the skies just as before, For fourteen hundred years or more. And though the planets’ little games Were thought as written in the stars – A monk proposed a new appraiser, Slashing bunkum with his razor.
Simple answers, they’re what matter ! Less is more than meets the eye – If two proposals have to fight, The simplest one is often right. And all those epicycles clatter With a clean, efficient sky – Forget the Church and ancient stuff, Copernicus has had enough !
And yet, and yet, Despite his perfect circles round His central sun, we quickly found Like Ptolemy’s, they ran aground, Till Kepler and ellipses met – And suddenly, the maths was sound.
Truth be told, Copernicus Had little proof on which to base His unbound Earth and steadfast Sun – In faith alone, his planets spun. But still the world must turn, and thus, Young Galileo took his place – Perhaps with fewer facts than hope, But this time with a telescope.
And in the eyepiece, clear as night, The moons of Jupiter were seen – As though the planet gave them birth – And not in orbit round the Earth ! And better yet, the startling sight Of Venus phasing inbetween A smaller full and larger new – And then the revolution flew !
So here’s the thing – With claims of modern matter dark, And energy with unseen spark – Has it the proof of string and quark ? Or do they chase around a ring To make the model fit the mark ?
And like Copernicus, they could be right, Despite a lack of evidence. Or like old Ptolemy, they could be wrong, Yet strong in their defence – His theory held up, truth to tell, In matching observations well – But oh, it was a complex hell ! So scientists, and heaven-gazers, Never lose your sharpest razors !